Gifts 101

Not that I’m an expert, but I have been told that I have a special talent for choosing gifts.  I do miss the mark on occasion, but generally if I stick to these tips I get it right.

Gift buying is an area that panics some of my friends, dude-like friends.  Not all men are intimidated by gift buying … just a lot of them.  So kudos to you fellows out there who’ve mastered the art, and hopefully for those of you who feel you haven’t quite reached the post doctorate niveau, you’ll find this relevant and useful. 

There are three major stages in the gift process - the thought, the purchase, and the giving.  We’ve all heard the adage “it’s the thought that counts”, unfortunately, that is a big fat lie.  Sure the thought counts for a lot and is a significant stage of giving, but the thought is all for naught if the gift is a miss.  Anyone who tells you “it’s the thought that counts” is really being polite, what they really mean is “this gift stinks and is evidence yet again that you have no idea who I am”.  She who says “it’s the thought that counts” is the generous one doing her best to preserve an ego.  Thinking does have its place though - in the form of gathering valuable information and making your gift gettin’ plan. 

To master the art of gift giving, you have to master the art of paying attention to details.  It’s all about getting into the mind of the recipient to decipher what it is they might like to receive.  It’s really all about paying attention to the actions and preferences of the recipient.  A few practical tips - a good approach is to hone in on the recipient’s senses -

• touch - what fabrics or textures does she gravitate to?  In a store, is she drawn to the sweaters (even though she’s already responsible for her very own naked flock of sheep somewhere in northern China), or is it the leather, or shoes?  She will give a cursory glance to many things, but what draws her in enough to expend the energy to caress and ponder?  To say, mmmm, this feels niiiiiiiice.  Is it silky?  Is it cotton?  For me it’s cashmere, merino, or any kind of soft wool.
• sight - which section of the store does he gravitate to instantly?  Is it the putters?  Perhaps the hats?  Maybe TVs, or maybe the history section.  Is it a style of packaging or a particular brand?  Most of us have a dominant “thing” that we peruse first - we might even say to ourselves, I can’t buy another blue shirt before moving onto a different colour.  Our dominant colour might be one that we rarely purchase, but that’s neither here nor there.  The gift giver’s job is to catalogue not what the recipient buys, but what they notice and are drawn to in a store.
• smell, sound, taste - which tester does she spritz?  Is it fruity?  Bitter?  Musky?  Does he like rock?  Female singers?  Folk?  Sushi?  Chocolate?  Shiraz?  Well that covers everything I like … you get the idea.

Many men shy away from buying certain things, because their lady already has five blue sweaters or twenty pairs of shoes.  There’s a reason that she has five blue sweaters and twenty pairs of shoes … she LIKES them.  If you buy this lady a blue sweater, the message you are sending is “see, I do notice”.  This is paranormal to most men, but sadly, that’s how we operate.  We want more of what we like.  The only exception is that you cannot repeatedly buy the same thing - so a blue sweater every year will only get you so far.

Once you’ve narrowed down your sense of your lucky gift getter’s preferences, you need to make a plan that incorporates your price range with which stores you will visit.  And time.  Unless she’s dropped an anti-subtle hint and you know exactly what you’re buying, plan to take your time.  It’s also a good idea to consider some “actions-on” - what will I do if I find something fabulous that is outside of my intended price range? [splurge]  What will I do if I fail to find anything on my list? [gift card]

Executing the purchase is straightforward enough - the most important aspect of execution is allocating sufficient time to get the job done right.  Often too much time is spent in unproductive thinking akin to “I have to buy a gift I have to buy a gift I have to buy a gift … ughhhhh” and then the purchase is relegated to the eleventh hour meaning you can only buy the first thing you see in your price range in the first store you make it to ten minutes before it closes.  The whole “I like the pressure of shopping on Christmas Eve” story doesn’t work for me, this is not gift buying, this is gift avoidance.  If you want to communicate “I’m a flop and I just can’t stand buying gifts” then keep at that eleventh hour business, but if you want to do marginally better than that, give yourself more time.  Make your planning time productive by tuning yourself into their preferences - it just requires you to be slightly more alert than you already generally are. 

An often overlooked part of execution is the wrapping.  A wrapped gift with a tied ribbon shows the recipient that you took the time and effort to present a lovely gift.   This goes a long way, especially if you do your best to wrap it yourself.  Unless your recipient has communicated a particular affinity for “gift bags” always wrap with the type of wrapping that requires scotch tape.

The final stage is of course the giving.  Here you have to remember that you, as the giver, own all the actions that have gone into the gift giving up until this point.  From here on in, everything else is out of your control, including the recipient’s reaction.  Take stock of what gets a bad reaction [don’t repeat] and what gets a big reaction [keep doing this].

In summary, 3 stages of giving - think, buy, give.  And when in doubt, go with diamonds.