It's Happening to Everyone . . .

I don’t mean that everyone is getting divorced. At times it seems like that, but certainly not to me right now. If anything, I seem to be surrounded by happy people, happily married people … okay, not so true - married people, sticking it out, working it through - sometimes happy, but married - married, married, married. All married.

When divorce happens it is happening to everyone involved. Not just you - but your parents, your kids, oh yeah - your spouse, his girlfriend, his parents, your friends, your co-workers … everyone and everything is touched - you are consumed, absorbed, and in that place you can easily forget that they are touched. To anyone and everyone - it feels bad. It doesn’t matter if they get the drenching or if they get a gentle mist of it, it still feels bad. For starters, it’s just plain awkward. Everybody’s losing - there is just not a single right and profound thing that anyone can say that will make it all seem okay, because it absolutely is NOT okay, divorce is NOT okay … it sucks, and it is not how it is meant to happen. You were meant to get along, you were meant to grow, you were meant to support each other’s growth, you were meant to be 80, holding hands, content. It is not okay, and there is nothing that can be said. Then it’s painful - painful for them to see you hate yourself, painful for them to see you hate him, painful for them to see you hate life. Still, they say lots of things, but really, there’s nothing they can say. Remind yourself that really there is nothing they can or could have said. Then it’s really sad, really really really sad. They are sad to see you so sad, they want you to be happy, you want to be happy, you want it to be happy again. Nothing. Nothing can be said. Then it is weird - there are processes, legalities, formalities, papers … there are sides and no explanations, confusion … it doesn’t make sense. You know it doesn’t make any sense, and then they say “why? … why, why, why would he do that, why won’t he do that … why? And you have no answers. It would be easier to hate him, but you don’t … that makes it even more weird. I am hoping that there is another side, a peaceful one … maybe then, they will know what to say … or better yet, maybe there just won’t need to be anything said. Better yet.